


The Worst of The Underground

by likeathousandwordslong



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen, I Love You, Lots of Cursing, Memes, Shocking I know, a story about undertale, anyway i guess i'll just start, but not broke like edgy-like, don't really care much, gottem lol, it's undertale but a total trainwreck, just fucking demolished really, oh well have fun, onward; to adventure, or maybe not, so basically I'll just update the tags as the story progresses, so basically the base game, the timeline where the game broke probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-06 19:29:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16393769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeathousandwordslong/pseuds/likeathousandwordslong
Summary: Take the video game Undertale and pour a gallon of moonshine, miscellaneous pills and shitty writing and you have 'The Worst of the Underground'. Contains excessive language and references to alcohol.completely fucked and probably permanently 2 chapters long





	1. the one where flowey does the bamboozle

**Author's Note:**

> ready for torture my friend?

So listen up folks, there was a story about a dumb kid that fell into a deep-ass hole and nearly died. I give not a single damn whether or not you prefer to hear it but you're here, now, so you're going to listen.

So this stupid jackass decides to fuck around on a mountain where children have disappeared like a stupid jackass would do, I suppose. This fucker sees a hole and decides "well, fuck it, can't be that far down, right?" and circled all around, eyeing like tiger and prey, and lord was that kid the prey. He must have been drunk as hell or ready to die because he dropped like a sack of potatoes without a goddamn care in the world, smile and all.

And there he is. Sitting like a stupid jackass at the bottom of a hole whining about his bum hurting, although I assumed the alcohol would have numbed the pain, he was loud as hell anyway. After what seems like an eternity, he gets his stupid jackass self up and decides to start walking about when he realizes; "hey! this isn't just a gaping pit, it's a cave!" and gleefully starts limping around. Heading down dim hallway, he finds an arched way.

Stumbling directly into a grassy, lit up area, his mood darkens as he sees a little flower with a dumbass smile on it. It was originally thought to just be a normal flower with a stupid smile marked on there, but sure enough that little shit spoke. However, the young boy managed to produce more than just a little shit at hearing a voice in a dark cave. The instinct to run was overcome with curiosity or stupidity, and he stood there. The flower moved to look the kid straight in the eyes, and he leaped a good few feet backwards, enough to rival an Olympian. "Hi, I'm Flower! Flowey The Flowey! Er, shit, I mean Flowey the Flower!" said the devilspawn.

He stared with confusion, fear and drunken desire. "yo what's up my dude" he shouted back, likely an attempt to intimidate Satan himself come to fuck him over.

After a through lesson on how to control his soul, he was happily throwing his soul across the room and grinning in a masochistic manner. Flowey was desperately trying to talk to him but he was ultimately distracted with his newfound floating heart thing. Eventually he just throws in the towel and surrounds it in pellets. "Alright, take some of these babies! They'll give you exp to make you stronger! Don't you want some exp?" 

"sure fuckin' would love some my bro" he said as he flew his heart into a particularly large one. The instant it made contact with it, he was knocked directly to the ground, wheezing, gasping, and cursing wildly.

"You dumbass, in this world it's kick the shit outta somebody or get the shit kicked outta you." He said with that dumb smile he always wore.

Little did that fucker know the shitstorm that would come of attacking a child. Out of nowhere, a fireball slams into the back of his head, setting fire to him.

"God damn weeds, never go away, no matter how many time you kill them." says a unknown feminine voice, as the flower quickly makes it's escape into the ground.

"hey that was a badass line dude"

"Yeah, thanks. What's a human doing down here? You're gonna get fucked down here." He rolls over from his stupor to see a hot goat lady standing there, in that 'what the hell are you doing' pose that your mom did sometimes.

"woah damn you're lookin' nice for a goat"

"Get up before that stupid flower shows back up. We're going back to my place. Don't get any funny ideas, or I'll beat you harder than that flower did; and I don't think you'd live through that."


	2. the second one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alright fuckers i'm writing a second chapter because somebody said it was cool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey have you guys tried this new site called archiveofourown.org i heard it's a real humdinger

"wow this place looks like shit", accompanied with a slap.

"It's hard work to keep this place even presentable. Have some respect."

"alright chief will do"

They were walking through the ruins, letting the stupid jackass figure out puzzles, but usually that ended in utter confusion. Eventually they stumble upon the dummy. Toriel managed to spout out "Alright if anything tries to kick the shit outta you just talk to it for a little while. Try to find an opening and then run like hell" before he fell onto it and began whispering sweet nothings to it.

"hey baby your triangle heads pretty kinky, how does it move thou-"

Toriel managed to pick him up and sling him over her shoulder, likely aggressively as possible. They keep walking while he yells about almost 'finna smashin'. He looks up and sees a shitload of spikes (no i mean like a FUCKLOAD of spikes).

"well what're we gonna do about that?" he slurs as Toriel shifts him into a carrying position. His hysteria only increases as she raises him into the air...

...and tosses him like a football over a shitload of deadly spikes.

"hey this reminds me of that one time in college" he utters out before slamming face-first into a purple wall and sliding onto the floor below. He hadn't bothered to look up before being picked back up and was unsure if he was able to at this point.

Finally, the pain sets into about his entire damn body itself, starting with a progressively louder "ffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCK".

Toriel can't help but chuckle.

"don't you fucking laugh at my pain, i can't feel half of the shit i'm supposed to."

"You know, humans used to be way more durable back then."

"calling bullshit that you'd ever be able to toss somebody face first into a hard-ass wall at 60mph and not have a cracked skull."

"Maybe not, but they'd cry a lot less." As she passes the usual path where she would test humans on their ability to follow a passageway alone, she decides to ignore the test as she assumed he'd find a way to injure himself on the trip.

A sudden expression of alarm creeps across her face. At the end of the hallway, she practically tosses him onto the floor, and throws a cellphone onto his bruised chest. 

"Shit! I left the oven on! I'll come get you later, here's a phone. Try not to pass out. Bye!"

She's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm dirty dan  
> no i'm dirty dan  
> i might be having a stroke  
> also: next time on this fuckfest  
> flirting  
> frogs  
> fucking shit  
> not actually fucking shit just shit that's fucking  
> toriel  
> i think  
> i'm making this up as i go  
> alright it's 1:17am i'm sleeping now  
> i love you all  
> wonder how long this can be  
> hey did you have to scroll down to read this like with a scroll bar  
> are you still reading  
> i don't know whether to add more tags  
> i don't care much on my own, i write for my own satisfaction (implying this is satisfactory btw)  
> so i don't care much to try and get this out there  
> oh well  
> good night <3  
> hey also is it okay that i don't really write long chapters?  
> i think small doses give out the best creativity  
> it's like a 100m sprint is more adrenaline-pumped than a marathon  
> you know?  
> yeah you do  
> you always understand me  
> alright good night for real this time  
> bye friend


End file.
